


Keeping Up With The Paladins!!!

by geemrmiranda



Series: Keeping Up With The Paladins [1]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Bisexual Lance (Voltron), Coran on drugs, Everyone Has Issues, Gen, Gordon Ramsay in space, LITERALLY CRYING RN, Matt has issues, Milkshakes, Reality TV, Season/Series 04, Spoilers, The Author Is Conflicted, The Author Regrets Everything, The Author Regrets Nothing, i cannot, i dont even know, indigestion, keeping up with the kardashians but in space and just generally so much better, naked shiro in the shower, what are tags, what is this fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-22
Updated: 2017-10-22
Packaged: 2019-01-21 08:02:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,001
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12453078
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/geemrmiranda/pseuds/geemrmiranda
Summary: Coran takes his idea of turning the paladins into television celebrities a bit too far and suggests they film a reality show. Antics ensue...





	Keeping Up With The Paladins!!!

**Author's Note:**

> This is a masterpiece and you know it.

“Listen up, y’all!” Coran shouted. “Next to the shows, we are now also going to film you during your everyday lives, to show the unique characters of Voltron!”  
“You mean like a reality show?” asked Pidge.  
“Sweet!” shouted Lance, “Let’s call it Razzle Dazzling! No wait, Keeping up with the Paladins.”  
“No” said Pidge. “Let’s not”.  
“Keeping up with the Paladins”, Coran repeated. “I love that! I can already see it all unfold… fans everywhere, being stalked by paparazzi through the universe… we’ll be famous in no time!”  
“Are you sure this is a good idea, Coran?” Allura asked, sounding unconvinced.  
“Duh!” said Lance, “It would be great!”  
“Maybe” said Hunk, “But were already doing the shows, isn’t that enough.”  
“Yeah!” said Pidge. “Don’t we have to fight Zarkon and the Galra?”  
“We’ll film that too” said Coran, “Nothing will raise morality as high as seeing Voltron in action.”  
“We can try this method”; said Allura hesitantly, “but if it doesn’t work after a week, then we’ll go back to just fighting the Galra without all this… media. Also… do I get to be myself now or am I still Keith?”  
“Well, I guess you can be yourself now. But I shall give Keith a call! We need him on this show! Oh and Shiro?”  
“…Yeah?” Shiro was sitting in a corner looking miserable about everything.  
“I got you an even tighter shirt!”

 

“…and this is the dining room”. Coran was talking to the camera flying behind him. Pidge had programmed it so that it would follow people around automatically, as this is very convenient to the plot. Coran was currently beginning the show by giving the audience a tour around the castle.  
“Umm Coran…?” Pidge asked.  
Coran rolled his eyes. “Cut!” he yelled, and the camera shut off. “What is it?”  
“Are you sure it’s a good idea to show everyone the inside of the castle? I mean, the Galra could be watching this too and figure out weak points. I just don’t think that’s a good idea.”  
“Do no question my artistic choices!” Coran yelled. “Aaaaand action!” The camera turned back on and continued following Coran on his tour.

 

“And here are the showers…”  
“CORAN!” Shiro yelled, mortified, and quickly wrapped a towel around himself. “Turn that camera off!”

 

“And that is how you make a milkshake” said Hunk. He was actually enjoying talking to the camera whilst cooking. He felt like Gordon Ramsay in space. But then less angry. “Next I’ll show you how to colour food goo.” 

 

“Hello…” said Lance. He had draped himself over the couch and winked at the camera. “Welcome to the best part of the castle – my room. Also known as the perfect place for ladies’ night.” He winked again and flashed a smile.

 

“…and that is how together we can put an end to Zarkon’s evil reign of terror” Allura said, ending her inspiring speech on why Zarkon must be stopped.  
“Cut!” yelled Coran. “Princess”, he continued at a normal tone of voice, “well that was nice, can you say something a little more... entertaining.”  
“Entertaining?” asked Allura flabbergasted, “but this is all to get people to join the Voltron coalition to…”  
“Yeah and I get that” said Coran, “but it wont go over well with our producers.”  
“We have producers?”  
“Look! Just say something princessy and funny that will make the people laugh and like us, it will have the same effect as an inspiring speech!”  
“Umm… alright, I’ll try.”  
“Action!”  
“Yeah, I don’t know what to say.”  
“CUT!”

 

“What. The. Fuck.”  
“Keeping up with the Paladins”, explained Lance. “Has a nice ring to it, doesn’t it?”  
“…No.” Keith had decided to take a break from the Blade and come for a visit, but he already regretted it. “This whole thing is stupid.”  
“Perfect!” yelled Coran from where he was filming, “Now say it more angrily!”  
“Why should I?” said Keith, getting angry, “I’m not going to take part in this stupid nonsense.”  
“Now cross your arms!” yelled Coran.  
Keith stormed off.

 

“So, Matt, tell us about your time in Galra prison” Coran said.  
“Umm…” Matt was clearly uncomfortable. “I… I don’t really want to. It was kinda traumatizing, you know? I think I still have a lot of issues because of it.”  
“What kind of issues?”  
“Like, I get these flashbacks and nightmares… and indigestion.”  
“Indigestion?”  
“Yeah, I mean… the stuff they fed me there. Oh boy.”

 

“Alright team!” Coran had called them all together, “It’s almost been a week filming this, so is there anything else you want to say to the camera before we air Keeping Up With The Paladins!!!?”  
“I’m literally so glad right now that I quit being a paladin” said Keith.  
“Who’s producing this?”, said Allura.  
“You did cut that part with me naked in the shower, right? Right???” said Shiro.  
“I still don’t think we should’ve given a detailed description of the castle’s defence mechanisms”, said Pidge. “That was like definitely a bad idea.”  
“I never got to show them the scaltrite cookies recipe” said Hunk.  
“Ladies, give me a call!” said Lance.  
“I’m not even a paladin” said Matt.  
“Aaaaaand CUT!”

Keeping up with the paladins!!! was aired on 78 planets and viewed by 68 trillion viewers. Reviews hailed it as one of the best shows ever made and ‘reality shows’ became a trend, with more groups showing their daily lives. Chefs all round the universe were notified on Hunks brilliance and he was invited to write his very own cookbook. Matt was the most popular paladin (despite not being a paladin) and got an invitation on Opreh and Dr. Philly. Pidge was proven right in her concerns as the security of the Castle was now compromised severely. Lance got his very own season on The Bachelor due to the huge amount of ladies (and lads) who were asking him on dates. Shiro was voted Sexiest Man In The Universe and landed the Playboy cover. Keith was never to be heard of again.


End file.
